Last night I was reading through the side affects and warnings for the medications I'll be taking for the next six months. I came across a very depressing passage that said something along the lines of "epidurals/spinal anesthetics should NOT be administered while using this medication." I almost cried. I hoped there was a chance it didn't apply to me, so I asked my doctor today and he sorrowfully told me it was true. There's a small chance they'll be able to give me one, but I'm not planning on it.
Don't get me wrong. I know plenty (ok, make that millions and millions) of women have given birth without the use of an epidural. I know it's possible...currently I'm just not feeling up to the challenge :)
The way I see it is that it's like flying first class. You get used to the comfort, the amenities, the ability to relax and enjoy your journey. Then if the next time you fly you get bumped back to coach/economy your travel experience is not as enjoyable because you now know everything you're missing out on in first class. The end destination is the same, but the experience is not. Since I had an epidural with Maggie I'm afraid I'll be thinking of the what-could-have-beens come labor (and pain) time.
Woe is me. I know, I know.
On the bright side, Jonathan is taking great care of me and Maggie. I'm so glad I have such a caring husband that is willing to fulfill all of my tedious favors. He joked with me that I didn't have to go to such extreme measures to get him to help out around the house a little more. I appreciate his help and I am honestly struggling not being able to do the simple things that I once could--I feel like I'm slacking off in my motherly and wifely duties and I feel bad that he has had to pick up all my slack.
Maggie is taking some time to adjust. She wants Mommy holding her and playing with her, which at this point isn't exactly possible. Jonathan said when he left the E.R. to bring her back home she kept looking back with a look on her face like, "why isn't Mommy coming with us?"
Another brighter note is that my testimony of Christ and the atonement is growing. In fact I think I remember praying somewhat recently for a strengthened testimony of the atonement. I wasn't expecting the learning process to be quite this drastic though :) I can't fathom the pains that Christ felt, but to know that he has suffered my personal pains and trials helps me feel more hopeful--that I'm not alone in this. He understand what I am going through and He is compassionate, even though he suffered so much more. This too will pass and I know I have a loving Heavenly Father who listens to my fears and offers me the comfort I need.
So, epidural or not, I will get through this bump in the road. It definitely won't be on my own though. (Thanks to everyone who has already offered assistance to our family. We truly appreciate your generosity.)
6 comments:
My goodness Janessa, I saw on your facebook that you thought you were having some nerve pain, but this is crazy!! I'm glad they detected the problem before it had a chance to get any worse!
Hopefully all will be well in the coming months of pregnancy...Take it easy girlie!!
Oh, and you can TOTALLY sport those stockings with shorts and sandals...you can start a new trend :)
I have been thinking about you your crazy cicumstances! Pregnancy complications are the worst. Stressful and inconvenient. I hope you find a way to keep your spirits up. I know it's so hard, but it will seem so fast when it's all over. Keep us posted. So glad you are okay.
Janessa,
I didn't have an epidural with Bronson. Yes, I thought I was going to kill someone when he crowned, and yes, I do go super fast, so I hope you do as well. But, on the plus side, you recover so much faster after the baby is born, in my opinion. If I were to have more children, I would rather not have the epidural. If there is anything else I can do to help with anything, let me know. Especially after your mother in law leaves. I'm sure Maggie would have fun playing with the boys!
Janessa -
I am so sorry to hear about all the troubles you've been having - I put your name in at the Orlando Temple on Friday and we are keeping you in our prayers. I admire your strength and your testimony and I know you will get through this with all the same tenacity that you tackle everything else you do! Don't worry about not having an epidural - weaker woman that you (including me) have done it and while there are no medals awarded, (why didn't anyone tell me?)it is completely doable! Take care. Love you! Johnna
I'm sad for you! SO sorry you can't get an epidural, but if it's any consolation (although I know it won't be, sorry!) working in labor and delivery has made me want to deliver epidural-free (I'm not pregnant... just planning!). The patients who go natural recover so much faster. My sister-in-law did the hypno-birthing method and she loved it. I've seen dozens of people deliver natural and that method by far seems to work the best. So as a loving and sad-for-you friend I recommend you at least look into that! But you've always been tough and I KNOW you'll do amazing! On the bright side I'm glad your testimony is growing and you're able to see the positive things about this experience!
I was actually surprised when I found out you had an epidural with Maggie. You are such a tough-as-nails kind of gal, I was just surprised. I had both of mine natural and I have total confidence that YOU CAN DO IT!!! I know that's probably not much consolation but if you have any questions, let me know. I'm thinking of you often.
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